Saturday, October 29, 2011

"Sigh No More": How to Eliminate Regret

I have a question for you.

What is the reason for your regret?

Your regret is holding you back from success, and you know it. Why is it so hard for you to move on? Not only do you regret your past mistakes, but you expect to regret your mistakes in the future as well. You feel like your on a path of constant failures and mistakes that it doesn't matter anymore, and consequently, you regret even more and more.

Aren't you fed up with the bull?

Isn't it time to move on?

You may find yourself reading this post thinking the guy who wrote it is just another sympathizer with no solution; you may think I'm just saying what everyone else says.

You may be right.

But realize this: the guy who wrote this post on the other side of the internet world has learned how to never regret anything.

Have you ever found yourself in a gloomy mood, sitting in a car, staring out the window into the distance, thinking about your past, regretting just because you feel the need to? Have you ever found yourself staring blankly out of space, regretting every move you ever made in the game of life?

Have you ever considered that the only thing you should regret is your regression?

Psychologically, our brains are designed so that we revert back to an earlier and less mature pattern of feelings or behavior. Retrospection, in its essence, could be viewed as a disease. However, it cannot be viewed as an excuse to regret.

In some cases, regret is the only way to eventually moving on. In most cases, the concept of regret becomes a game of Jenga. Every time you regret something, you pull out a block, putting yourself in risk for a mental breakdown. Sure, you can set all the blocks back up, but you'll be setting yourself up for failure once again.

So what's the solution? How can you stop regretting everything you do?

I did a very similar post to this one last February called "3 Steps to No Regrets". In the post, I generalized three key steps on how to eliminate regression. The following steps are much more specific, though I do still recommend you read my previous post as well for further help.

Step One - Regret is Voluntary:
Realize that regret is 100% voluntary. You CHOOSE to regret, it isn't something that happens "just because". There IS a cure to the disease. In analogy, as disease may often be a good thing for the human body, regret may often be good too. Being exposed to a disease, your body programs itself to defend against it. Similarly, by exposing yourself to all the nooks and corners of regret, and realizing the potential it has to ruin your aim for success, your body and mind will eventually expect it and prevent it before it can even happen.

Step Two - Learn How to Learn: 
This is the most important and arguably the hardest step: learning how to learn. Making mistakes is crucial in order to reach success. Accept the fact that you will make mistakes, its natural. You shouldn't regret your mistake. For example, if you make a mistake by cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend - your first step shouldn't be regret. It should be step one, up at the top - realization. Realize that regret is voluntary, and its your job to choose not to do it. Step two tells us that we must learn how to learn. By this, you must comprehend the value of making mistakes. Although it sounds cliche, it is the truth - mistakes are a learning opportunity. Learn that you are the one who made the mistake of cheating, and learn not to do it again. Learning from your mistakes shouldn't make you regret you made them, rather it should make you happy that you now know not to make it again. By recognizing the value of learning, you will be more accepting of the fact that regret is voluntary and it is not an excuse. It can be prevented.

Step Three - Do You:
Enjoy optimism. Often, people feel that being too optimistic blinds you from the truth. This depends on how you define optimism. You can be optimistic and still be realistic. Don't let optimism blind you from the truth. Reach self-esteem. Do you. Realize that you have worth, and that regretting is only creating obstacles instead of moving past them. And last but certainly not least, realize that the past is your friend. It isn't meant to be forgotten, it isn't meant to be repeated either. Just like a best friend, it is mean to help you. Regretting your past won't help you capitalize on the future ahead of you. 

Unfortunately, the word "step" has a connotation that makes it seem like it is quick and easily achieved. 

In the case of eliminating your regrets, this is definitely false.

It will take a while to realize what you're worth. It will take a while to realize that mistakes are beneficial in order for you to learn. It will take a while to realize that it is your choice to move on or stay back.

But once you do, and you will - you'll be free.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

TFAT v.5.2 Toast Released

TFAT v. 5.2 includes:
  • new background
  • new poetry corner
  • new header
  • new twitter feed
  • new page dividers
...and much more!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

At Once I Knew, I Was Not Magnificent

As you sit at your computer desk, your cubicle with your computer, as you lay in bed, on your sofa reading these words on your laptop, as you read this in whatever situation this finds you - I ask you three simple yet brutally, beautifully difficult tasks. To feel, to imagine, and to realize.

Feel every sense you can, smell the aroma of Earth, feel your eyes tingle from the brightness of your computer's screen, feel your toes struggling to stay still, feel your heart pounding against your chest, hear the sniff of the man with a cold in the distance, feel the touch of the scroll on your mouse denting the middle of your index finger, feel your tongue click against the top and bottom of your mouth as you read these words - feel until you can feel no more.

Feel the emotion of hatred against the one you hate the most, feel the power of love as you hug your mother, feel the jealousy you always doubt you have, feel the happiness of knowing you are not alone, feel the sadness of knowing you've hurt someone.

And now, once you have felt the slightest of feelings; I ask you to imagine.

Imagine the boy tripping on a rock right outside your house, imagine the girl in China writing in her diary under her covers, imagine the ants you stepped on walking home from wherever you went today, imagine the bacteria on the end of your nose waiting to get in, imagine the water on the moon waiting to be tasted, imagine the blood in your body flowing like a stream, imagine until you can imagine no more.

And now, once you have imagined the slightest of imaginations; I ask you to realize. Realize that you are nothing but one hair on your head, nothing but one pen in a mansion, nothing but one bag in a junkyard, nothing but one staple in stapler, nothing but a pin on a football field, nothing but one fish in the ocean, nothing but one car on the highway. Realize that you are nothing but yourself.

We are all raised with a complex ideology that everyone is and must be different. Yet while knowing this fact, we all seem to fail in realizing that it is a paradox. Our differences are what make us all similar.

We focus the majority of our time on defining our differences, racially, stereotypically, financially, physically - that we fail to focus on our major similarity - we are all human. All capable of the same tasks, same talents, same abilities. We are all born the same. And although scientists and doctors may disagree, the diseases and disorders we are born with do not have an effect on our capabilities. Whether you suffer from paralysis or suffer from cancer or suffer from nothing at all - the factor of "can" and "could" remain the same. There is a difference in what we can do and will do, and you have all the right to disagree with me but understand this - if we all continue to live our lives with the pessimism of differences, when will we come to agree? I would rather live with the pessimism of similarity than the pessimism of differences, because with being similar, with being common, with being equal - not superior or inferior, with being simply human, I can come to realize that indeed, I am not magnificent.

My ego is nothing but a bubble in a universe containing billions of galaxies that contain billions of solar systems that contain multiple planets, including the one which we call home, Earth. If the planet we live on isn't the largest thing on the face of this place, why do we try to make our egos bigger than it? Why are we constantly struggling to be felt, to be remembered, to leave a legacy, to be talked about, to be the center of attention? Why do we try to be worth something to others when the entire point of life is to be worth something to yourself? Why do we battle to be magnificent?

The truth is, we are worthless, but our worthlessness makes us worth something to our own selves. And again, scientists may disagree with me and you may too, but the smallest thing in this entire universe is the ego of the modest man. And our motives and intentions and goals must be directed to the achievement of this highest state of modesty. In fact, the ironic thing about the ego of the modest man is that his ego doesn't even exist, but he is proud to be modest. And that facts kills us all.

Realize the importance of being small, because in truth, the smallest of man is the biggest of humanity.

And at once, at last, we must realize we are not magnificent as anomalies, but anomalously magnificent.