Wednesday, April 2, 2014

SKINNY | Week 10 of 52 Weeks of Aadil's Poetry



Do you know how much it hurts? Do you?
Do you know how much it hurts to look in the mirror
And not be happy with what I see,
but only see what I hear I’m tired.

And frankly, I’m fed up.
Because I try so hard to do so much
And the only thing you see is my weight or lack of it

And it’s just never enough.

I’m skinny. Yes, I know.
I weigh only 119 pounds.
Only. Only.
I weigh only 119 pounds.

Do you know how much it hurts
To look in the mirror
And only see what you tell me
Only hear your questions:

Why are you so skinny
You’re so skinny
Stop being so skinny
Don’t you eat?
Do you not like food?
Are you not fed?

I’m fed up is what I am!

Why can’t I be happy?
Who are you to judge?
Why must you make me feel insecure?

Why must you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin?
Skinny
Skinny
You’re only 119 pounds?

I’m fed up.
Skinny
Scrawny
Skeleton
Stick

Do not let my toothpick frame deceive you
Do not think that my heart is not thick

When I look into the mirror and see strength
It isn’t because I don’t see my ribs or because my biceps are big
It’s because I know that person who stares back at me
And I’d still know that person if he was ten pounds thicker or lighter 

Skinny
Scrawny
Skeleton
Stick

I used to measure my arm against my dads wondering when mine would be as thick
I would lie about my weight, say I’m 119 plus 8
I still suffer at your judging gaze.

Do you know how much it hurts?
To try so hard to do so much
But only be remembered as skinny?

My own family
My own uncles and aunts
Skinny, skinny, skinny
That’s all they know
That’s all they tell me
That’s all they see
Only 119 pounds

When will you see me?

I wish I could strip you away from your skinny eyes
Your thin perception, I wish I could squeeze it out
 I am only 119 pounds
But please do not for one second
Let that number deceive you
Make you believe I am weak
That number does not bespeak
Or quantify my strength

I am only 119 pounds
In flesh and bone

I am only 119 pounds
Each pound grounded in faith

I am 119 pounds.

And I’m proud of each pound that covers a passionate heart,
A hungry mind, and a strong tongue
That packs a powerful punch.

Do you know how much it hurts to look in the mirror
And try to skin your skinnies up
 Skin them to their absolute root
Peel your skinny words
That make me poke at my ribs
That make me measure my wrists?

Do you know how much it hurts to look in the mirror
And pray that one day
You’ll see the man that I see?

That I am.

22 comments:

  1. Hello! I love this poem and I wanted to ask your permission to read this poem at a body positivity performance night. If you could just respond to this comment I would really appreciate it. Thank you for writing this poem. There isn't a lot that I've read for skinny guys. Have an excellent day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just saw this comment, but I hope you went ahead & performed it! Thank you so much, Devin!

      Delete
  2. Yes I did!! It went very well. Thank you so much!!!

    ReplyDelete

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