The thing about time is... as much as you ponder, as much as you stare at your timepiece and try to quantify the ephemeral second, you'll never be able to figure out a way to pause or extend that moment. That secondhand will always move forward. Stand as still as you wish and the Earth below you will never cease its pivot. Your world is miniscule. My time is meaningless to the Earth's Timekeeper.
I remember this day. Graduation. I remember Mama's soft kiss on my cheek, her wide grin. I wasn't counting down seconds then. I wasn't wishing for more.
Today, I am. Today, I discover deep voids in my present and my imagination of the future. Mama will not be alive to see me graduate from college. Mama will not be alive to witness my marriage. Mama will not be alive to be the grandmother to my children. Her time is over. Her seconds are memories I wish I had memorized.
But that's the reality of life. It's not certain. Time is not guaranteed. It's not something we possess - it's not something we control.
Mama would always tell me "Ek do din ki zindagi hai" - Life is only a matter of one or two days. She'd say this even when she was healthy and happy, just to remind me to not be trapped in the trick of time. To remind me to reckon my blessings every second of every day.
I know Mama is watching over me. I'm speaking to her as I type these words. Her eternal residence is in my heart. But the reality is, her life, her residence here has disappeared by the will of Earth's Timekeeper.
I can't pause time. There's no use wishing for another second because it'll never exist. All I can do is remember Mama's wise words - that our time is just a matter of days. Our life is just a speck on this Earth. All I can do is remember these moments and be grateful for the time I so often took for granted.
All I can do is remember Mama - and in those memories, in these darkest hours, I can hope to discover the brilliant light within myself - within this world, within her - that can never be dimmed.